Oh baby … I just love a good … snow job

I spent a good majority of Monday at the grocery store. I wanted to pick up “a few things” for the “Huge NorEaster Headed Our Way“.  I took a look over at the French Toast Alert System and saw that we were encroaching on a full “Elevated” status so decided to make a quick trip down and get the basics.  I picked up 3 gallons of bottled water, a gallon of milk, 6 quarts of half & half (for my coffee), 4 loaves of bread plus some powdered milk and a few other things.  I snagged a few boxes of cereal and some granola.  Came home, checked on my levels of driveway salt, the toboggan I use to get down the driveway and the sprayer for distributing rock salt after a good shoveling.  I was happy, settled in and enjoyed my afternoon … “prepared”, as any good New Englander should be.

Yesterday morning was crazy busy with getting everything ready to go on a day trip down to our offices in Massachusetts.  Taking the Commuter Rail is so much easier than driving into the city and I know I saved time (parking is a bitch in Boston on a normal day, let alone a snow emergency).  The trains ran on time and by the time I got down to the office, there was just the hint of snow in the air.  All over the news, people are talking about how terrible the storm is going to be and they are interviewing people who remember the Blizzard of ’78 (yes, it must be capitalized because it’s a Major Event …. think of the way the Father from the movie “A Christmas Story” spoke of his “Major Award”, the leg lamp … same mentality applies).  Everyone is in a panic, talking about how people are going to get stuck in it … people are going to lose power, it’s going to be tossing us back to the dark ages.  I admit I was slightly concerned that I wouldn’t be able to get back home in the later afternoon but thought I might stand a chance earlier in the day.  So, I took care of what needed doing and headed back North.

By the time I reach South Station, it was a wet “wintery mix” falling.  I was never so happy to see the car service waiting for me with a nicely warmed interior.  The driver helped me into the car, handed me my coffee (he knows exactly how I like to drink it) and off we went to the house.  I began noticing the roads weren’t that bad, not many people on the streets but, one never knows … that can change in a heartbeat on Boston streets.  Of course, by the time we reach my house in Salem, I realize that it’s not taken us long at all and the roads aren’t really that bad.  The newscasters are now saying the storm will hit during “rush hour”.  OK, so I missed it … that’s perfect.  Bobby helped me out of the car and walked me to the door, confirming the need for him to return on Friday and I stepped inside.  I watched the snow starting to come down off and on through the night.  I stopped listening to the newscasters so I could work some and take a few phone sex calls while watching the white stuff cum down.  Like most women, I was waiting for the big load to hit … I kept checking to see when the “blizzard-like conditions” would begin.   I waited all night and, it is now 6:55am on February 11, 2010 and I’m staring out the window at … what … SIX inches of snow?  I had been promised a fuckin Nor’Easter damnit … I went shopping to prepare for a Nor’Easter … now what the hell am I supposed to do with 5 peanut butter jugs, 24 safety candles, 2 packages of D cell batteries, 2 9-volt batteries and enough AA cells to power the Citgo sign for a week.

The moral of this story is that I think I got snowed by Channel 7 Weather Team.  I feel like a wife on her wedding night …. she’s looked forward to this day for her entire life and she gets into bed, rolls over to her new husband, the man she loves and adores and wants to spend the rest of her life with …. only to find that he’s hung like a gnat.  She expected Ty Lattimore and got Bud Melman.  I exepected a Nor’Easter and I got SIX inches of snow.

So I got snowed … once again the meteorologists tricked me and pulled a snow job on me.  Perhaps next time, I’ll prepare one for them?  I mean … I have all the tools for some really nice CBT … all that’s missing is the 6′ high snowmound for them to experience a true New England Fucking.