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The Big Dig

Mistress Ryan — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:08:26 +0000

I like to watch people … observing them when they are most vulnerable. You know … those little ticks and personality quirks that you indulge in when you think no one is watching you. Oh sure, you have them … I’ve seen them all.

Are you fidgety? Do you tug on your earlobe when nervous? Reach down and touch your little pindick when you think no one is watching? I bet you do … and you never know who is observing your behaviours. If you pay really close attention to your fellow man, you’ll be surprised by the things they do …I know sometimes, things still catch me off guard.

Yesterday the temperature was 81 degrees with 65% humidity. That is what I’m dealing with, weather wise. That makes my house hot and sticky in a most unsatisfactory way. It’s become so bad my cats have taken up residence on the tiled floor of the bathroom in order to get some relief (I tried putting an inch of cool water in the tub but only one cat was taking advantage … and she was using it as armament against the other two). When I reached the point where I just couldn’t tolerate it another second longer, I packed a little bag for myself and off to the beach I went. I knew this was potentially a bad idea, considering I wasn’t the only person who may have had this idea but I wanted to brave it … if only to sprawl out in the water and allow it to envelope me. For once in my life, I was hoping that New England ocean water would stay true to form and not get much above 60. So I braved the traffic, drove up and down the strip three times before finding a parking spot (a sweet old lady in a Chevy cut me off for a prime spot near Kelly’s Roast Beef … bitch) and getting onto the sand.

Sand, for those of you who are unlucky enough to be landlocked is the second hottest surface on the planet during the summer months (it’s beaten only by hot top, which can sear the bottoms of your feet near instantly … which is why we always wear sandals!). While traipsing my way down the sand to the hardpack, I think I may have formed glass soles to my feet (I am still accepting applications for those who would seek to ease my suffering by worshiping Mistress’ feet) before settling about halfway down the beach. I set up my towel and chair, put my cooler to the side, applied a generous amount of sunscreen and lay back for a while … just relaxing in the sun and enjoying the breeze. It was magnificent as I lay there, baking in the sun but eventually, I began to get overly warm again. Time for a jump in the water!

Carefully making my way down the rest of the sun-blistered sand, I eased myself into the water and was surprised to find it was actually warmer than I’d expected. The heart stopping cold I’d known all my life was merely a memory … OK, I could live with this! I swam a way out from the shore and paddled about for a while … observing my fellow swimmers. Quite a few families … a few single college girls and an exceptionally high ratio of college men. One group in particular caught my attention because of a rather tall, well built ginger who seemed to be something of the ring leader. I couldn’t understand a word he said (I think he was speaking German) but his voice was powerful and self-assured. A voice not to be reckoned with, as it were. He was laughing and joking with his friends as they splashed around before getting out. I noticed they’d settled their towels down not too far from my own and within my direct line of sight. They were all quite attractive so I thought I’d at least get to enjoy a little show with my relaxation. Little did I know …

I got out of the water, made my way back up the lava-like surface of the beach to my chair. The ginger was standing and talking to a few of his friends before they settled down, presumably to sunbathe. This is where things became … interesting. After a moment of laying down on his back, the ginger flipped himself over onto his stomach. He fidgeted a little, getting comfortable. A few moments later, he raised himself up onto his knees, reached into his trunks and quite plainly … adjusted himself! OK … a little odd but … ok. He laid back down, crossed his arms under his forehead and relaxed.

A few minutes goes by … another raise … another adjustment … lay back down. This happened 3 or 4 times before our brazen ginger haired man finally pulled himself up onto his knees, leant forward with his elbow and forearm and dug a HOLE in the sand just where his by now quite obviously erect cock would lay! He rubbed back and forth furiously with his arm until the trench was appropriately sized before laying back down, sprawling his arms above his head! I couldn’t stop the giggles that threatened to burst out of me at this display. I tried to be discreet (be quiet, yes it can too happen!) while I watched him, contentedly laying on his beach towel … humping the sand oh so gent … WAIT! What?? Yes, you heard me … the little pervert was humping the sand where he’d carved out his little trench! His hips rocked back and forth and I could see he was using his toes, dug into the sand for leverage!

I’m not sure if he just got so carried away by the warmth of the sand around his cock or if he was just overly excited to be on the beach but I watched him rock back and forth against the sand for a good 20 minutes before getting up and quickly making his way across the sand to the water … I don’t know what he was doing, nor why he had to make such a rush down the sand to the water but he remained there for quite some time!

See … those little quirks and unconscious behaviour are endlessly amusing … and provide your Mistress with such a surprisingly entertaining afternoon.

I’m off to go wilt in the heat just a little while longer … I’ll be returning to the beach sometime this week … perhaps I’ll see our little sand humper having another Big Dig of his own!

For an erotic phone session with Mistress Ryan, call 800-601-6975
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Calls are $2.50 per minute,. with a 10 minute minimum
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Phone Sex 101: Strapon

Mistress Ryan — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 05:20:48 +0000

At once exciting and terrifying, the strapon is the most versatile toy in a Mistress’ toybag. It can be used as a sensual tease, enhancing and heightening the pleasure of whomever is on the receiving end … or it can be used as a punishing force, violating your body for your Mistress’ pleasure. They come, much like the appendage they are styled after, in many sizes and shapes … colours and textures. Personally, I guess you could say I’m a bit of a size queen … I believe in the statement “Go big or go home!” quite thoroughly and apply it to many of my endeavors. Including assfucking a bitch.

When introducing a strapon to your phone sex session, some key points to make a note of are:

Size Matters! When you are first beginning, you don’t jump right to the biggest and baddest strapon you can find and just make it fit. In order to get the most from your strapon session, you have to start small and graduate up to a larger size. Personally, I have most of my ass virgins start off with something like a butt plug, or a 4″ dildo and slowly build them up to the next size. A good rule of thumb is “When you can take it all, it’s just too damn small” Graduate by inches … not feet.
Lube, despite what you might have seen in every porn movie ever made, is your friend. You simply aren’t built to take a 12″ monster without a generous amount of lubrication. And no, I’m not talking about Spit N’ Sit here either. Think commercially available lubrication … Something like System Jo Anal Lube, which works WONDERS for getting slippery.
Wrap it up! When engaging in strapon play with your Mistress, condoms (much like lube) are your friend. They make cleaning up after yourself much easier and, as a bonus you can practice your oral presentation skills by putting the condom on with your mouth!
Research your Mistress! This is probably the most important thing to remember. Every phone Mistress has her own style, or nuance that she brings to her sessions. Some are sweet and gentle, while others are vicious and cruel. You want to find a Mistress that has a personality that works for you outside of just the one strapon session … As your relationship builds with her, she can help you to continue your anal training up to the point that you are comfortable (even if sometimes she pushes your limitations). If you don’t usually respond well to humiliation, you probably don’t want a woman who specializes in it to be training you, nor do you want someone who will be too nice if you are the type who will try to top from the bottom.

I can hear some of you backpedaling away from me right now but I’m going to say it … strapons aren’t just for faggots and bi-curious men. Strapons can be used to intensify the orgasm of anyone … including straight men! There are as many nerve endings in my clitoris as in your ass … bet you didn’t know that, but it’s true. At the point of orgasm, anything which stretches or holds the sphincter open will intensify the orgasm … making the experience far more memorable for both you and your Mistress.

Until next time, this is your Phone Sex Primer being brought to you by the Softer Side of Mean!

For an erotic phone session with Empress Ryan, call 800-601-6975
Must be 18+
Calls are $2.50 per minute,. with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
http://ratemycall.com

Losers Rejoice: SPH Sufferers have a new SpokesPenis

Mistress Ryan — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 06:40:52 +0000

This special bulletin is being brought to you, courtesy of insomnia and a mis-press of my fingers on the television remote.

Just a few moments ago, I was preparing to turn in for the evening and was flipping stations to the Food Network.� You know how sometimes you’re so used to pressing certain buttons on the remote that you don’t bother looking, you just press the buttons?� And sometimes it works, but most of the time you wind up missing the channel by a few digits and you have to re-press?� Well, tonight it happened that I mis-dialed the remote and wound up catching the jewel of a lifetime.

Did you know that THE Head Coach for THE Dallas Cowboys (America’s Team of the 90s for some bizarre reason that continues to elude me) is now the spokespenis person for male enhancement?� That’s right … Jimmy Johnson is “going long” for the same product once endorsed by such stellar celebri-peen as the Hedgehog of Love, Ron Jeremy.� I sat here, staring at my television screen … dumbstruck with horrified delight.� This is the man I listen to on Sunday afternoons to guide me through the touchdowns and booth reviews of the gridiron … now convincing his armchair quarterbacks that they don’t have to “compensate” by bulking up and buying that sports car … no, now he can just take a little pill and he can nail the head cheerleader.

I do believe this represents the end of ol Jimmy’s credibility … Unless NFL now stands for “Never Fucking Laid”?

For an erotic phone session with Empress Ryan, call 800-601-6975
Must be 18+
Calls are $2.50 per minute,. with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
http://ratemycall.com

10 Inches of White … (it’s cumming)

Mistress Ryan — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:24:21 +0000

I had an interesting thought this evening as I watched the news … Massachusetts is on tap to get our first official Nor’Easter of the Winter of 09.� The weathermen are as giddy as a cocksucker at a strapon convention, as though they finally have some sense of purpose instead of predicting foul weather in other parts of the country.� Watching everyone get all excited for something big and white reminded me of a curious sort of cuckold situation that had been bothering me of late.

Well no … perhaps I should explain a bit more clearly.� I wondered if there is such a thing as a reverse cuckold?� Statistically speaking, there has to be someone out there … a black man, with a skinny black dick that no woman in the world would want to suffer through … perhaps even smaller than the white man she left at home to FIND a big, black cock.� How humiliating is it to know that the myth of being a Black Man can be so irrevocably … hysterically … WRONG?� I can almost see the expression on the woman’s face when she triumphantly brings her Bull home to her sissified husband, only to find what’s hanging between his legs is even smaller and more pathetic than the volcanic pimple in her husband’s panties.� Either of them would be lucky to escape with just a thorough tongue thrashing … How would this little black pecker manage to find his Nubian Goddess?� To satisfy her the way a woman of her stature and position deserves?� Is there such a thing as the WWC?� A Wide White Cock that is designed just for the women who find themselves at the mercy of some cruel twist of fate that left their big, black bull more like a limp piece of licorice?

Personally I’ve never had to deal with anything like that situation … all of my big, black bulls have come into my bed with more than enough to satisfy me … and I’ve never had to seek out the mythical WWC.

So think of me, darlings … while I’m getting pounded by the powder this weekend instead of the black cock I deserve!

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For a erotic phone sex session with Empress Ryan, call 800-601-6975
Must be 18+ to call
Calls are $2.50 per minute with a 10 minute minimum
Discretely billed to a major credit card
http://ratemycall.com